Sunday, February 03, 2008

Virtues and Vices

It's difficult to talk about one's vices without 1. sounding complainy, or 2. inviting a pity party, where your friends feel obligated to say something nice to you. That being said, I think of all the vices or 'deadly sins' I could be held accountable for, jealousy (also categorized as envy) is at the top of my list.

As much as I try to live my life without comparing myself to others, it's pretty much impossible for me. (Sloth, on the other hand, would be on the bottom of the list of vices, but sloths are on the top of my list of 'Thank God These Animals Exist!!'). Jealousy is a clingy bitch I just can't seem to shake. I admire people for their expertise in their field, but because I often lack mastery at one particular area, and I'm still 'young', I somehow find myself coming up short, and being too self-critical. I can write music pretty well, but there's so many musical things I haven't learned which I feel that I should know by now. I can talk about art history a bit, but I can't draw a figure that doesn't look like a comic. I love design, but I'm only beginning to learn what it actually takes to choose a good font.
I can be very organized, but I can forget small details, and I envy those who have excellent retention of facts. I'm also really jealous that other people have money. Not just disposable income, sure, but things like, oh, steady jobs, and careers. Retirement account? Pshaw. I would probably shoot myself if I had to work as an investment banker, though.

Things that I am also jealous about, to a lesser degree:

-muscles
-boyfriends, girlfriends, and the men/women who love them (more of a disgust+envy mix)
-people who buy clothes at regular price, thus, finding the right size, clothes fit properly!
-CD collections
-kids who have no college debt
-boys with lots of hair (and not lots of shoulder hair, like I have)
-classical piano skills

Things I don't have, but I'm not jealous about:
-expensive cars
-quality of housing
-big television
-breasts

But there is good news! I read an article by a Vassar grad (Dawn Deisbach, '90) who called herself a 'Generalist': she wasn't interested in any one field in her lifetime, but instead, drew the different parts of her life together, from writing a play to playing the violin, acting, and writing feminist papers. She writes that "there's never enough time to do all we're capable of...and burnout is often one rehearsal or revision away...yet [I] can remain ridiculously busy and feel energized." I think the key to overcoming my jealous vice is to recognize that I have talents which are diverse, and where some areas of my knowledge might seem incomplete, I am also interested in pulling together many other areas where many people focus in just one field. Many people I know don't care about contemporary art, but that shouldn't make my interest in art any less valid.

Like the Vassar grad, I'm optimistic that I too will be able to pull my interests together to pay the rent and not end up a crack whore. I don't expect it to happen overnight, so until then, I work as much as I can at random jobs (excluding crack and prostitution).

Second on the list of vices would have to be lust. But I'm down with lust.


Above: green-eyed monster, with black eyebrows.
What is your deadliest sin, viciest vice?

1 comment:

Scott said...

wait, you don't have breasts?