Sunday, April 30, 2006

April Showers Bring Communists

This comic is a little hard to decipher, so once you click on it and take a look, let's have a gander, shall we? Well, we all know that April Showers bring May Flowers. Or so the saying goes. But have you heard the joke '...But what do May Flowers Bring? The Pilgrims! HA ha ha ha ha.' (Pee Ess: Not funny. But I digress.)
So if we can assume that Mayflowers bring Pilgrims, let's also assume that Pilgrims bring Imperialism (woo hoo us), and of course, lots and lots of disease (notice the viruses). Imperialism brings with it Americentrism (woo hoo us times 10) and what does Americentrism probably bring eventually? Communists!
This of course, is subject to debate. And I hate debate. Having everyone agree with me, by force if necessary, that's more my style. And that's what makes me an American. Happy May Day!

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Mommas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Bloggers

I have been wanting to use this comic for weeks, and finally got around to putting it on here. You knew it was coming sooner or later. And you know what this cowboy computer-user is thinking, don't you? Can't you just picture the quote in your head? Here it comes...
"I wish I knew how to quit you!...
but the readers need me!!!"

God, it feels so good to get that out.

Not the Humps You Were Looking For

I do not claim to have had a real-life experience to back this comic up. Even Britney's not that lumpy. But I had practically this sight today in line at the meat market...of the customer ahead of me, who (foolishly) was buying an enormous pot roast rather than some slimming greens. Sadly the pot roast was smaller than the size of her calf. See the previous post about 'cankles'.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

One Night Stand

A favorite topic of Midnight Shoveler...bedroom furniture. I thought, what would Ryan say to the children (and to Reese!) if I drew his naked torso curled up in my bed, a snapshot of Friday night? Probably something like 'I was auditioning'. Or 'I was a little late doing my taxes'. And somehow he could pull it off, and he'd go about his business as usual. For the record, Rayray's a great spooner. And a total gentleman when it comes to not hogging the blankets.
But I digress. I chose to draw my cartoon self in bed to make the humorous illusion to grammatical entendre. I also thought I could draw a 'heartbreaker' and then a doctor literally ripping someone's heart apart on the operating table, but that doesn't have anything to do with sexy furniture at all, now does it?

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Scarlett Johannson

There comes a time in many artist's lives when the beauty of the world just might get a bit overwhelming. How can I possibly go outside without stopping to tell each and every passerby that they are beautiful in their own, special way? Thank goodness there are people like Scarlett around to remind me that most people in the world are incredibly ugly in comparison. This collage is a tribute to the timeless, effortless gorgeousness of celebrity starlets. Oh, to be contorted, photographed and antiqued, and still look like majolica*. That's my motto every morning, before I eat my Frosted Flakes.

*Italian porcelain, famous during the Renaissance. Brittle in the kiln but sturdy survivors! That's your art historical tidbit of the day. Shovel it up.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Fine-Toothed Comb

When you've scoured the house for those missing pair of eyeglasses, it's time to break out the fine-toothed comb. And then you realize, ha ha! The glasses are on top of your head.
Not! That's actually not how it usually goes. Midnight Shoveler usually hunts around for several days and then in anguish, gives up to the comforts of a hot cocoa with some Bailey's. Okay, most of the cup is Bailey's and I sprinkle some cocoa in there for effect. But magically, as I reach for the whipped cream, I find my eyeglasses in the refridgerator. The milk carton, in trade, has been hanging out on the nightstand. Exactly where I put it.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Gay Neutron Quarrels and Lazy Cells

What better way to cheer up a cranky night than a little fun with biological and subatomic humor. These comics came at a time I was taking a class (no joke) entitled 'The Subatomic Zoo'. I think to myself, no matter how stressful life can be, with its finances, makeups and breakups, and endless decisions on what to wear, at least I'm not a neutron. Now there is an underappreciated job if I ever saw one. Oh, to the lovely neutron, I say: you carry half the world's weight on your shoulders, and we never even know you are there. And to the cells in my body, I say: please behave yourselves. If you're antsy, I've got some beers in the fridge.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

No You Di-int.

Yes, fans, I sometimes listen to trashy music. Most of the time you'll find Midnight Shoveler with his ears turned to the Beethovens, the Rachmaninovs of today's generation, but from time to time I pump up the jams. This comic is a tribute to the Black Eyed Peas. I devised some alternate uses of the popular phrase 'my humps' for your viewing pleasure. And it's even G-rated, who would have thought. Click on the picture for some larger humps.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Look, Paul...

"Look Paul, what a cute thing I found today! It was hopping around next to some hypodermic needles down by the dumps, and I just had to bring it home."
Kids, don't play with pets that foam.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Avoiding Sniper Fire

Memo from The White House: It's late 2001 and Washington, DC is under some stress. I (Prez Bush) just issued my fun little 'Orange Alert' system (Green means go have fun! Red means hiker down with bottled water and baked beans) and now there's a sniper on the loose in the city. I think I'll send a news report to the BBC, where Midnight Shoveler is watching the telly, and let him know how to avoid any violence in Trafalgar Square. It's simple, fast, and fun! The whole family can avoid sniper fire together! When you walk across a large, open area, simply walk in a zigzag line, from side to side. See illustration at right for step-by-step. Think 'weave and bob, weave and bob'. You'll be at your tea in no time, and scary grandparents with rifles will miss you every time. Sure, you might be judged as a bit loony, and sent to the psychiatric ward, but it's safe there, isn't it?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Jigga Who?

This is one of my favorite comics which obviously started out with good intentions and went off the deep end, so to speak. I thought, wouldn't it be funny to draw a mouse going swimming? And wouldn't it be funny if...oops, that mouse has a lion's tail. Why didn't I ever take life-drawing in college? Remind me never to go into portraiture unless my sitters have a good sense of humor. And while I'm at it, this little guy also needs a bumble-bee striped body, and a cat face. I'll name it a Libeemousecat.
We also read the amusing phrase, which my high school chorus teacher used to say when she was confused. (She'd also say the variant 'whatchajigger'. That one's questionable.)
The frog is obviously a diving instructor. All clear? Now let's get back to our rotary breathing.