Saturday, March 10, 2007

Newborn Baby, Here's Your MySpace Profile

I have recently discovered that there is a vast community of new mothers who have put their baby's sonogram and pregnancy test picture on the internet as the main photo of their MySpace profile. I'm sure there are more gross examples out there than a picture of your pregnancy test (I've already heard one but risk becoming ill writing it) but this makes me ponder the future of childbirth and newborn-ness in general. Imagine, if you will, a mother naming her baby Dot Com for the promotional benefits, or the entire expenses of a baby's birth being provided by 'baby' companies with a promise that the kid's life will be a walking advertisement for certain products. Oh, wait. Those things have already happened. My mistake.
But imagine a near-reality in the future, when parents create MySpace profiles for their newborn children, and the kid's profile picture is an intra-uterine photo (a la National Geographic) of the developing foetus inside of your womb. None of that low-tech sonogram profile photo for the surrogate mother of my child, no ma'am. Technology will evolve so that women can place tiny cameras inside them for quick pics. I want the real high-resolution shots, so all my child's foetus-friendsters can get jealous of how cute my kid is, complete with a candid photo of a thumbs-up from inside the amniotic sac. Think of Leonardo da Vinci's babies (pictured right) watching tiny Uterine TVs that let a baby know how best to slide right out without causing mom any pain! (Or perhaps just watching SpongeBob.) And I will list my child's interests as 'Nutrition from the umbilical cord', 'listening to Stravinsky on womb-headphones', and 'general kicking and causing a ruckus'.
These days are fast approaching, and I'm bummed that 1. it's too bad I don't really like babies, and 2. I'll probably just adopt a two-year-old from Tibet anyway, sparing me all the nonsense of getting that camera up into unfamiliar territory.


P.S. Posts have been scant lately due to my lack of internets in my apartment, but fear not. I can always blog at work.

1 comment:

Sally said...

OMG, nutrition from the umbilical cord and listening to Stravinsky on wombheadphones are two of MY interests too! Me and your unborn baby would totally be friends on the internet! ;D

Also, if you ever want to have a baby so that you could post pictures of it to myspace I would totally womb it up for you! ;D