Thursday, December 07, 2006

Ginkgo Vomit

It's hard to be mad at a tree. Trees are what makes a town feel cozy, make us paper so we can draw comics, and the world should have many more of them. A tree looks fashionable and chic in all seasons, and doesn't even have to dress in layers in the winter. Winter snow on a maple tree? So hot right now.
But when it comes time for the ginkgo tree to drop the fruits of their sex, I want to run for my life. The berries fall off the trees and squish on the sidewalks, and then emit the most disgusting rotting smell. What's sadder is that not all ginkgos have to drop fruits, but some do, and it seems quite voluntary and random on the tree's part (maybe the other trees have to help memory loss and menopause...or is that St. John's Wort?). And it so happens that all the ginkgos of Pittsburgh live all around my house, so I have to cross the street back and forth about five times on my way to class and work just to avoid getting their rancid ovaries all over me. At least I think they're tree ovaries. I could be wrong, but the plant gonad reference was just waiting to be set up there. They've been periodically dropping fruits since the summer- there is no one 'fruit' season for the ginkgo. They're EVERYWHERE. Sometimes I don't even feel like walking someplace new in fear that my shoes are going to get covered in gingko fruit. And then I'm that guy at the grocery store that everyone thinks has dog poop on his shoes. When will the deciduous insanity end? Tree, tree, stop sexing on me.

9 comments:

Jess said...

I think I have transported the ginko smell to my office. Permanently. I must have rubbed it into the rug or something.

I miss the vassar cum trees....at least they knew their place.

melissa said...

for the longest time lisa and i feared that the neighborhood "grove" near our house actually had a dead body in it b/c of the stink. eventually we realized that it was of course ginko trees.

keith said...

don't even get me started about mulberries! and walnuts! similar problems from america's dairyland. ew.

Midnight said...

This is a big issue here. I think it needs to be a part of the next State of the Union address. People are fired up!

Sally said...

I think I may have already mentioned this but you know it's only the female trees that bear fruit! Yes, that's right, gingko trees are one of the few species of trees in the world that have seperate male and female trees! So yes, those are ovaries falling on your head and making your shoes smell like ass!

What I think is kind of obnoxious and outrageous is that obviously these trees were planted in this city by some environmental city planners who wanted to be all SAVE THE GINGKO TREES and all that, which is great, they are an amazing species with all sorts of crazy, unique attributes, but for the love of crap-smelling-shoes the are NOT going to freely reproduce in the city, so there's pretty much NO NEED for female gingko trees everywhere! They could have planted nothing but male trees and then we wouldn't even have this problem! I guess it would be good to throw a few females in there for good measure, but they could have thought a little harder about WHERE the females were planted and WHY gingkos were going extinct in the first place (people chopped them down because they hate the damn fruit). Damn urban planners. OK, end of rant. For more exciting facts about the gingko, see also: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gingko

:) <3 ;)

Clara said...

Now I'm craving some sweet, succulent ginko ovaries.

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