April Showers Bring Communists

This comic is a little hard to decipher, so once you click on it and take a look, let's have a gander, shall we? Well, we all know that April Showers bring May Flowers. Or so the saying goes. But have you heard the joke '...But what do May Flowers Bring? The Pilgrims! HA ha ha ha ha.' (Pee Ess: Not funny. But I digress.)
So if we can assume that Mayflowers bring Pilgrims, let's also assume that Pilgrims bring Imperialism (woo hoo us), and of course, lots and lots of disease (notice the viruses). Imperialism brings with it Americentrism (woo hoo us times 10) and what does Americentrism probably bring eventually? Communists!
This of course, is subject to debate. And I hate debate. Having everyone agree with me, by force if necessary, that's more my style. And that's what makes me an American. Happy May Day!

Mommas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Bloggers

I have been wanting to use this comic for weeks, and finally got around to putting it on here. You knew it was coming sooner or later. And you know what this cowboy computer-user is thinking, don't you? Can't you just picture the quote in your head? Here it comes...
"I wish I knew how to quit you!...
but the readers need me!!!"

God, it feels so good to get that out.

Not the Humps You Were Looking For

I do not claim to have had a real-life experience to back this comic up. Even Britney's not that lumpy. But I had practically this sight today in line at the meat market...of the customer ahead of me, who (foolishly) was buying an enormous pot roast rather than some slimming greens. Sadly the pot roast was smaller than the size of her calf. See the previous post about 'cankles'.

One Night Stand

A favorite topic of Midnight Shoveler...bedroom furniture. I thought, what would Ryan say to the children (and to Reese!) if I drew his naked torso curled up in my bed, a snapshot of Friday night? Probably something like 'I was auditioning'. Or 'I was a little late doing my taxes'. And somehow he could pull it off, and he'd go about his business as usual. For the record, Rayray's a great spooner. And a total gentleman when it comes to not hogging the blankets.
But I digress. I chose to draw my cartoon self in bed to make the humorous illusion to grammatical entendre. I also thought I could draw a 'heartbreaker' and then a doctor literally ripping someone's heart apart on the operating table, but that doesn't have anything to do with sexy furniture at all, now does it?

Scarlett Johannson

There comes a time in many artist's lives when the beauty of the world just might get a bit overwhelming. How can I possibly go outside without stopping to tell each and every passerby that they are beautiful in their own, special way? Thank goodness there are people like Scarlett around to remind me that most people in the world are incredibly ugly in comparison. This collage is a tribute to the timeless, effortless gorgeousness of celebrity starlets. Oh, to be contorted, photographed and antiqued, and still look like majolica*. That's my motto every morning, before I eat my Frosted Flakes.


*Italian porcelain, famous during the Renaissance. Brittle in the kiln but sturdy survivors! That's your art historical tidbit of the day. Shovel it up.

Fine-Toothed Comb

When you've scoured the house for those missing pair of eyeglasses, it's time to break out the fine-toothed comb. And then you realize, ha ha! The glasses are on top of your head.
Not! That's actually not how it usually goes. Midnight Shoveler usually hunts around for several days and then in anguish, gives up to the comforts of a hot cocoa with some Bailey's. Okay, most of the cup is Bailey's and I sprinkle some cocoa in there for effect. But magically, as I reach for the whipped cream, I find my eyeglasses in the refridgerator. The milk carton, in trade, has been hanging out on the nightstand. Exactly where I put it.

Gay Neutron Quarrels and Lazy Cells

What better way to cheer up a cranky night than a little fun with biological and subatomic humor. These comics came at a time I was taking a class (no joke) entitled 'The Subatomic Zoo'. I think to myself, no matter how stressful life can be, with its finances, makeups and breakups, and endless decisions on what to wear, at least I'm not a neutron. Now there is an underappreciated job if I ever saw one. Oh, to the lovely neutron, I say: you carry half the world's weight on your shoulders, and we never even know you are there. And to the cells in my body, I say: please behave yourselves. If you're antsy, I've got some beers in the fridge.

No You Di-int.

Yes, fans, I sometimes listen to trashy music. Most of the time you'll find Midnight Shoveler with his ears turned to the Beethovens, the Rachmaninovs of today's generation, but from time to time I pump up the jams. This comic is a tribute to the Black Eyed Peas. I devised some alternate uses of the popular phrase 'my humps' for your viewing pleasure. And it's even G-rated, who would have thought. Click on the picture for some larger humps.

Look, Paul...

"Look Paul, what a cute thing I found today! It was hopping around next to some hypodermic needles down by the dumps, and I just had to bring it home."
Kids, don't play with pets that foam.

Avoiding Sniper Fire

Memo from The White House: It's late 2001 and Washington, DC is under some stress. I (Prez Bush) just issued my fun little 'Orange Alert' system (Green means go have fun! Red means hiker down with bottled water and baked beans) and now there's a sniper on the loose in the city. I think I'll send a news report to the BBC, where Midnight Shoveler is watching the telly, and let him know how to avoid any violence in Trafalgar Square. It's simple, fast, and fun! The whole family can avoid sniper fire together! When you walk across a large, open area, simply walk in a zigzag line, from side to side. See illustration at right for step-by-step. Think 'weave and bob, weave and bob'. You'll be at your tea in no time, and scary grandparents with rifles will miss you every time. Sure, you might be judged as a bit loony, and sent to the psychiatric ward, but it's safe there, isn't it?

Jigga Who?

This is one of my favorite comics which obviously started out with good intentions and went off the deep end, so to speak. I thought, wouldn't it be funny to draw a mouse going swimming? And wouldn't it be funny if...oops, that mouse has a lion's tail. Why didn't I ever take life-drawing in college? Remind me never to go into portraiture unless my sitters have a good sense of humor. And while I'm at it, this little guy also needs a bumble-bee striped body, and a cat face. I'll name it a Libeemousecat.
We also read the amusing phrase, which my high school chorus teacher used to say when she was confused. (She'd also say the variant 'whatchajigger'. That one's questionable.)
The frog is obviously a diving instructor. All clear? Now let's get back to our rotary breathing.

Yes It Is.

10 Greek Gods-a-Leaping

This image is one of those revelation moments where an artist finds out that practically every guesture, every idea has been done before, and will be done after him. On the left, a Kenneth Cole ad clipping (attractive man). On the right, an illustration from a children's Greek Mythology book (unattractive Cyclops). Take away the sheep and what do you have? A good premise for cargo shorts. But most importantly, by placing these two images side by side (and I can say this in a completely art-historically educated way) it can look like they're suggestively poised...to play leapfrog, of course. These are the small things that keep a collage artist's wits intact and amused for hours. That and the glue fumes.

Oh My Gosh- Snuggly Goodness!

True-life story: I have found a perfect pair of swimtrunks. Not too Speedo-like, not too 'I'm wearing manhood insecurity pants which quick-dry so I can hop in my sweet ride'. And they fit in that blessed Eurotrash way, where if the water's a little too cold, the other people at the pool will kindly turn a blind eye, but those in the know say 'he is so hot right now'. My good friend Mr. Wahlberg (who knows a thing or two about appearing nearly nude) has commented that 'Midnight in his swimwear conjures images of long walks on French beaches, of trendy cabanas, and myself in the early Eighties'. Which I'm sure is the highest compliment of an underwear model-slash-actore.
Obviously this is Midnight Shoveler's cartoon persona, which is a strangely realistic depiction of the actual Midnight Shoveler, but in ink form he can have as many muscles as I like. Notice my attempt at some bulkier bisceps? And the heavenly light rays emerging from his mid-region? That's the holy light of the Fashion Epiphany. (Takes place around June and you don't even have to go to Church.)

Dull Songs Everyone Hates

...And they never bought them either, but now, kids, they're only available for a limited time so pick up the phone! This great 6-CD set includes nobody's favorites, like:
-'The Day I Got a Checkup (And Nothing Was Wrong)'
-'Mosquito Bites'
-'Assembly Line'
-'My Life is Bad (Just Kidding)'
-'I'm Shy'
-'The Pink and Red and Grey Blues'
-'Fun With Trigonometry'
-'John Tesh Tribute'
-'Cowlicks'
And more! Dull Songs Everyone Hates even includes the duller:
-'Slotted Spoon'
-'Untitled 1'
-'Untitled 2'
-'Untitled 3: 1987'
-'Lint, Everywhere, Lint'
And the rare, never-before-remastered
'Composition for Four Sleeping People'!
This exciting TV offer won't last long--they can even be thrown in the trash as recycling exercises! The Best of the Boring from the '80's, '90's, and today! Call now!!

Gall Stones

Simple yet effective, talking secretions. If you're lucky you'll also get to see my version of 'cankles' too, calves which blend into ankles into one seamless mass. Or perhaps the 'sharm', a shoulder and an arm all in one.

Celebrity Portraiture

This collage is a good excuse to incorporate your favorite so-hot-right-now celebrities into a fabulous mosaic work with a fun color scheme. Here we have the lovelies Diana Krall and Christian Bale. They'd like you to believe that I just cut out the pictures from magazines and glued them down, but no, this is not the case! They were actually in my apartment the other day, playfully posing. And because I'm such a cool celebrity photographer (no Press allowed in the studio, gosh darn it! You know what happened to Kate Moss.) all the stars want to buy the works right out of my decoupaged hands. It's as if they just can't get enough of looking at attractive, artfully arranged people all day...wait, that's me. Well, if you want your face glued on a canvas with some bubble motifs you should just let me know.

Creatures of Habit

Fun with Grammar. I personally like the devout mouse in the corner, having what I'm sure is an ecstatic experience with the Lord. Or the Lord of the Mice, whichever. I didn't ask God when I met him if he was also the Lord of the Mice or if there is a special 'Rodent Omnipotent', but it's on my list for next time.

If Torino's Not Enough...

I'd like to see Al Roker and Kirstie Alley be the commentators for this Olympic Games.



(Click on the picture to enlarge for a slightly bigger hypothalamus.)

Saint Patrick's Day

For those of us running around in big green hats and red beards today, spare me the 'o'. Luck 'o' this, and bit 'o' somethin' somethin'. Please. The last time I talked to a leprachaun (I think it was mid-January) he spoke English with a Pittsburgh accent. It was more like, 'There's gold for y'ins need found under the rainbow. Yeeaahh Steelers!'.
For all of us enjoying corned beef (or corned beef substitues) and potatoes, this comic is for you. I also thought of some other things that could be stuffed: crabs, taxidermied animals, a stomach, and your sinuses, but a pillow just seemed a little less gross.