10 Greek Gods-a-Leaping

This image is one of those revelation moments where an artist finds out that practically every guesture, every idea has been done before, and will be done after him. On the left, a Kenneth Cole ad clipping (attractive man). On the right, an illustration from a children's Greek Mythology book (unattractive Cyclops). Take away the sheep and what do you have? A good premise for cargo shorts. But most importantly, by placing these two images side by side (and I can say this in a completely art-historically educated way) it can look like they're suggestively poised...to play leapfrog, of course. These are the small things that keep a collage artist's wits intact and amused for hours. That and the glue fumes.

Oh My Gosh- Snuggly Goodness!

True-life story: I have found a perfect pair of swimtrunks. Not too Speedo-like, not too 'I'm wearing manhood insecurity pants which quick-dry so I can hop in my sweet ride'. And they fit in that blessed Eurotrash way, where if the water's a little too cold, the other people at the pool will kindly turn a blind eye, but those in the know say 'he is so hot right now'. My good friend Mr. Wahlberg (who knows a thing or two about appearing nearly nude) has commented that 'Midnight in his swimwear conjures images of long walks on French beaches, of trendy cabanas, and myself in the early Eighties'. Which I'm sure is the highest compliment of an underwear model-slash-actore.
Obviously this is Midnight Shoveler's cartoon persona, which is a strangely realistic depiction of the actual Midnight Shoveler, but in ink form he can have as many muscles as I like. Notice my attempt at some bulkier bisceps? And the heavenly light rays emerging from his mid-region? That's the holy light of the Fashion Epiphany. (Takes place around June and you don't even have to go to Church.)

Dull Songs Everyone Hates

...And they never bought them either, but now, kids, they're only available for a limited time so pick up the phone! This great 6-CD set includes nobody's favorites, like:
-'The Day I Got a Checkup (And Nothing Was Wrong)'
-'Mosquito Bites'
-'Assembly Line'
-'My Life is Bad (Just Kidding)'
-'I'm Shy'
-'The Pink and Red and Grey Blues'
-'Fun With Trigonometry'
-'John Tesh Tribute'
-'Cowlicks'
And more! Dull Songs Everyone Hates even includes the duller:
-'Slotted Spoon'
-'Untitled 1'
-'Untitled 2'
-'Untitled 3: 1987'
-'Lint, Everywhere, Lint'
And the rare, never-before-remastered
'Composition for Four Sleeping People'!
This exciting TV offer won't last long--they can even be thrown in the trash as recycling exercises! The Best of the Boring from the '80's, '90's, and today! Call now!!

Gall Stones

Simple yet effective, talking secretions. If you're lucky you'll also get to see my version of 'cankles' too, calves which blend into ankles into one seamless mass. Or perhaps the 'sharm', a shoulder and an arm all in one.

Celebrity Portraiture

This collage is a good excuse to incorporate your favorite so-hot-right-now celebrities into a fabulous mosaic work with a fun color scheme. Here we have the lovelies Diana Krall and Christian Bale. They'd like you to believe that I just cut out the pictures from magazines and glued them down, but no, this is not the case! They were actually in my apartment the other day, playfully posing. And because I'm such a cool celebrity photographer (no Press allowed in the studio, gosh darn it! You know what happened to Kate Moss.) all the stars want to buy the works right out of my decoupaged hands. It's as if they just can't get enough of looking at attractive, artfully arranged people all day...wait, that's me. Well, if you want your face glued on a canvas with some bubble motifs you should just let me know.

Creatures of Habit

Fun with Grammar. I personally like the devout mouse in the corner, having what I'm sure is an ecstatic experience with the Lord. Or the Lord of the Mice, whichever. I didn't ask God when I met him if he was also the Lord of the Mice or if there is a special 'Rodent Omnipotent', but it's on my list for next time.

If Torino's Not Enough...

I'd like to see Al Roker and Kirstie Alley be the commentators for this Olympic Games.



(Click on the picture to enlarge for a slightly bigger hypothalamus.)

Saint Patrick's Day

For those of us running around in big green hats and red beards today, spare me the 'o'. Luck 'o' this, and bit 'o' somethin' somethin'. Please. The last time I talked to a leprachaun (I think it was mid-January) he spoke English with a Pittsburgh accent. It was more like, 'There's gold for y'ins need found under the rainbow. Yeeaahh Steelers!'.
For all of us enjoying corned beef (or corned beef substitues) and potatoes, this comic is for you. I also thought of some other things that could be stuffed: crabs, taxidermied animals, a stomach, and your sinuses, but a pillow just seemed a little less gross.

There are beautiful people everywhere.

As Lindsay Lohan and I were taking our yearly exotic vacation together, we spotted two very beautiful tribesmen and snapped their photos. Oddly enough we later saw the same boys in a Dolce and Gabbana campaign...life is full of strange coincidences. Like the fact that I was in a rickety chicken cart in Africa sitting next to Ms. Lohan. For the second time! Thank goodness I remembered to bring extra camera batteries that day.
This collage brings together some mosaic motifs with some of Lindsay's and my favorite memories: spearhunting and drag-queen glam. I long for the days when I would walk out of my grassy hut not as mild-mannered Midnight Shoveler, but as fabulous Ms. Patty McZebrachaser. I'd grab a sharp stick, shout my ritualistic mealtime cries, and running towards me would be a whole team of paparazzi, just waiting to follow me into the hunt.

The Pope's Lawn Sprinklers

This collage combines a lovely tapestry-like background with some metal religious staves apparently used in Christian ceremonies. Or so says the National Geographic, but really, isn't it obvious what they are?
I'm thinking that when they're not used for ceremony the Vatican drills holes in them for use as decorative lawn sprinklers. Wouldn't you like your very own holy lawn sprinklers? Get 'em while they're blessed.
Lately I've been curious as to which fashions the Catholic bishops are donning nowadays. Combed silk or damask? 'King of kings' or 'Eternal damnation'? Emerald-encrusted crosses or gilt? These should be the real questions plaguing organized religion today. (The answer is emeralds. They are so hot right now. I mean Holy.)

It's Hard Out Here for a Placostomus

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that the last place you ever thought you'd see prostitution flaunted was at The Oscars. But then Pimping won a little gold statue for 'Best Song'. This is a comic from 2002, but it proves a good point: there are hoes everywhere. Just take a look in that goldfish bowl. That's right, shake ya tailfins.

Abstract Expressionism gone terribly awry

This is a personalized collage for a friend of mine (one could be done just for you, you know) which I did with the initial ideas of 1. primary colors, 2. bold graphic elements, and 3. political text. Little did I know that the elements of 1. fat man's trousers, 2. map of Communist bloc pre WWII, and 3. blob of squares glued together would also make an appearance. Suffice to say the piece was greeted with first: applause and second: thanks, and third: cue the questionable eyebrow-raise.
I must congratulate myself, though, as the eminent heir to the Kandinsky synesthete style, as I handled those abstract red curves with grace and flair. Look at the way they balance the yellow, rising out of the Wall Street Journal, blending seamlessly into the SUV! If anyone deserves a pin titled 'Best Contemporary Revival of Kandinsky' it is me. And if anyone happens to find that particular pin at a yard sale, I want my pin back.

I heard he sang a good song...

The classic song with a Renaissance twist. I think even the Fugees would be proud. I don't remember why I decide to draw this man's internal organs on the outside of his body, but it has a lovely anatomic effect, don't you think? As the tuning board stabs into your aorta.

Honey, have you seen my car keys?

This is the first little taste-test of Midnight Shoveler comics. Usually this involves some sort of creature or person with disproportionate elements (this is funny) with an amusing witty phrase (this is very funny). This one is random, but it reminds me of one of my many cousins, who has a penchant for collecting anything to do with mice. Figurines, cards, placemats, mouse-shaped utensils, you name it, she's got it. I used to think that if mice ever infested her home she wouldn't think twice to set them a place at the table. Strangely enough, now I even think of her as looking a bit mousey. You know what they say about pets and their owners- "One day you wake up and your ears are the size of dinner plates."

This collage will make Paris Hilton proud.

Some of you folks might recognize these fonts in this collage entitled 'Boggle'. For all of you hip graphic designers, I'm sure you're just shouting, 'Hey! Isn't that Helvetica New 20-point?!' and 'Man, that Midnight sure knows how to incorporate French Script that's hella tight.' I say, this makes a lovely decoration to any fashionista's home (email me to buy the darn thing). And for Paris Hilton, you might even be able to spot the 'M' from the Marciano ad you were in, so you just give me a jingle and I'll send this baby your way.


Postscript: This collage also reminds me of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force line: "One man's waste is another man's...soap." Just putting that out there.

Comics that Impersonate Yourself

Here is a little collage to whet your little contemporary pallets. This one is titled 'Your Luck Ran Out'. I was trying to go for a 'casino' explosion of color, and thankfully ended up with something better, along the lines of 'garage mechanic'.
Someone is probably having a tough time playing Go Fish right now without that damn ten of spades. It's really unbelievable how many playing cards one can find in the street. What do people do, throw them out car windows like confetti?
My luck changed for the better, as this is the first piece I ever sold. That's three whole dollars I didn't have before. I can buy myself half a beer.
Keep your eyes peeled for comics on Midnight Shoveler, usually involve various alter egos (the muscled version of me, the boy version of me, the version of me wearing haute couture) which should prove to entertain and amuse. I'm thinking it's a once a week thing.

Watch out, little sheepies

These little animals in the lower left are about to be pummelled by some falling paper shards. Be careful, furry guys!
PETA would not approve, though Greenpeace might enjoy the recycled paper and photo of my woods at home. Way to go for reduce, reuse, recycle, rehang in the back cupboard where you will never be seen again.